REFLECTION
The Art
of Attuning Our Emotions
Part of the many challenges of human coexistence is
sometimes the difficulty to attune our emotions and moods with one another. Sometimes
a great event, and others a chain of a few, very simple, uneventful
circumstances can make our day bright. And that day we somehow fail to
understand why it is that the person next to us seems unappreciative and unable
to produce a smile. That can be highly irritating. Of course, the opposite can
also happen. Those times when nothing seems to go right and it’s incomprehensible
how people around us seem to be rejoicing in ignorance and smiling for the
stupidest thing. That’s irritating too. The truth is that is hard to become
attuned to other people’s moods. First, because we are deeply convinced, and
rightly so, that our mood, the way I feel at this moment is so uniquely and
intrinsically my own prerogative that no one has the right to make me feel
otherwise. And second, because moods are very real, and it’s not as easy to
change or modify them at will. It’s difficult but not impossible.
Perhaps one of the attitudes that we all should try to
master is empathy. As hard as it is, we all do have the capacity to adapt to
the mood of others. We are endowed with the ability to go beyond our own states
of mind. Empathy is an attitude by which we let others become, albeit
temporarily, our own reference point. Through empathy we allow them to take our
emotional space for their own comfort, consolation or rejoicing. Let’s not be
mistaken, it’s harder that we can imagine. Imagine that someone is grieving the
loss of a loved one. We would do this person no favor if, with the pretext of
being empathetic, we started to explain our own experiences of loss. The same
would apply, on a more positive note, to somebody that comes to us excited to
share the adventures of a recent trip. Of course we want to be part of the
conversation in a meaningful way, but we would show no empathy if we start
showing off our own travel experiences, perhaps to more exotic countries and
riskier adventures. Empathy is letting ourselves be emotionally conquered by
the other. And yes, it has to be temporary. It’s not only hard but also very
tiring, very consuming. We all need others who are empathetic towards us. We
all need to occupy other persons’ spaces; that’s how and why we feel loved and
cared for. In a group of people where all give up their spaces to empathy, our
own individual and crucial need for understanding, compassion, a friendly voice
and a comforting shoulder, is over-abundantly met. It is a very difficult task,
the world of human relationships is extremely complex. But the more we work
towards this sharing and giving of spaces, this network of empathy, the more we
will be living in the Kingdom of Heaven.
A final note. As it happens with crying or laughing,
moods are often contagious. The following saying is unfairly dramatic but
brings the point right across: “One rotten apple spoils the whole bunch.” It is
up to us to turn this uninviting image inside out. Perhaps we could say: “One
ready smile, one warm heart, one gentle look, one kind word, an empathetic
gesture, may spread and multiply in surprising, unexpected and remarkable
ways.”
Esteban
Redolad
